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Apps like Brenda are not explicitly building an LGBTQIA cultural revolution, but they do help facilitate the social lives of those whose sexuality exists outside of the mainstream.” ‘It’s not all about superficial sex’
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“Of course, the software is principally social – bringing women together for friendship, sex, or romance. There is an unconscious link between sex and politics when you’re queer. “But is Brenda political? Arguably any space that caters specifically to non-straight women, even if it’s a bright purple cyber one, will be by default. Is Brenda political? Arguably any space that caters specifically to non-straight women, even if it’s a bright purple cyber one, will be by default. It’s a technology-based cocktail of fun and awkward. Meaning half of the women you come across, especially if you live in a city like London, Brighton or Manchester, are ones you’ve already seen out and about. “Brenda is marketed to this specific niche – the female Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, InterSex and Asexual (LGBTQIA) community, renowned for being a small world. “They say when you’re gay getting a girlfriend is like trying to find a job you either have to be referred by someone you know, or do it online,” says writer Nayla Ziadeh. But, you know, every gay man is looking for love, or most of them I know.” ‘It’s a technology-based cocktail of fun and awkward’ “I think the gay community suffers from an appearance of superficiality, of pop music, of dancing, of having no responsibilities – that’s changing slightly with equal marriage – but gay men generally don’t have kids, they’ve got a lot of disposable income, and so Grindr taps into that kind of idea and purports of it being superficial and all about fleeting encounters. It’s like taking a selfie and putting it on Facebook to get likes. People keep going back to it because those messages, that attention from other people, it’s about self-affirmation. “In a way Grindr is more about yourself than anything. “It does take away that idea of having to be out, on the scene, of going to a specific gay place and the worry that if you’re not in a specific gay place – you wouldn’t come on to anybody in a straight pub because you don’t know if they will be homophobic and punch you in the face.
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The downside is the objectification and it takes away the full emotional gamut of being a human being.
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“I think Grindr is only the sum of its users – it is not a reflection of the gay community or modern-day gay dating because people who use Grindr use it for a specific reason – they are mostly young, free and single, and they download it up for hook-ups, sex, to assuage an urge we all feel and can recognise whether you’re gay or straight, male or female, 18 or 80. It becomes I’m Pat, I’m 5’11, I’ve got dark hair and I might say, you know, toned body or something, and that becomes me. “You’ve only got these little details to go on so the downside is… turning yourself into a box. “It’s a physical facilitator, it’s about how someone looks,” says Pat Cash, a journalist for QX magazine and sporadic Grindr user.
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‘Grindr is more about yourself than anything’ Here are some stories from people who use the apps about how they have changed dating – and attitudes. Its strapline? “Tinder is how people meet. There’s a spin-off for lesbian women too, called Brenda, and in the last few months Tinder – for straight people – has taken off. Users have profiles in the same way as on other sites, and the site’s USP is matching people up with others who are nearby, according to the geo-location data on their phones.
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Across the globe, seven million men use it in 192 countries, and 10,000 new users download the app every day. Set up five years ago, it now has more users in London than any other city in the world (950,000). The next logical step in the modern world of smartphones was dating apps, and none have been more successful than Grindr, which caters exclusively for gay men. “Traditional” online dating sites were the success stories of the nineties and early noughties, and now, according to, one in four relationships start online. It began with Grindr (well, arguably it began when Eve ate the apple, but that’s another story).